Updated: Sep 10, 2020
As daughters our mothers teach us how to take care of responsibilities even if they are one of them.
Daughters ages 24 and 18
" She was in her room for hours searching, she finally came out crying her little heart out. I asked her what's the matter and she said sobbing " I cant find anything mommy." I looked her right in the eyes and said "Thats right because he has never done anything for you, but I am here, I will always be here. You are my responsibility and I am the only one taking care of you." -Shameeka
Our daughterhood experiences prepare us for womanhood. Taking care of chores, navigating boys, and playing with dolls and toys. Our mothers take care of all the responsibilities so we can enjoy being a child. But what happens when the roles are switched. Instead of being a child you have to be a mother... to your own mother. Shameeka learned that handling responsibilities at such a young age prepared her for the biggest job of all being a teen mom.
Welcome to her Kweendom.
Hello Beau2ful's Philosophy is, "Who we are as a daughter, influences who we are as a woman, and impacts who we are as a mother. I call this cycle our Kweendom. Tell me about your Kweendom.
During what most women would call their daughterhood years, I played more of a mother role to my own mother. To my friends she was the "cool" mom that everyone wanted to be around. She was always throwing parties at our house. She allowed everyone to stay the night even boys! All of my friends loved coming over because they would get to spend the night with their boyfriends. They loved it, I absolutely hated it. It was never cool for me. I never wanted parties I just wasn't into those type of things. I honestly think those parties were for my mother. She was a young mom and I think she was trying to live out the years she missed out on. The difference between me and my mother is although she was a young mother, she had the support of family. I was raised by my grandmother. So she had the freedom to explore any opportunity she wanted to explore without necessarily having that responsibility of caring for me. When I had my first child at the age of 14 , I was adamant to raise her myself. I was going to take care of my responsibilities and be the mother I always needed.
I knew in my heart once I decided I was going to have the child that I was carrying, that it was 100% totally my responsibility. I was determined to raise my daughter by myself. I didn't have many options as far as help, so I didn't want to disappoint myself by trying to rely on people. I knew I wasn't going to follow in the footsteps of my parents. So the only thing to do was the opposite. Now at 14 most people really don't have the mentality to handle such a responsibility, but I was forced to grow up at an early age because I had to mother my mother. I had to raise myself so even at 14 I knew how to pay a bill, I knew how to call the electric company and put utilities in my grandmothers name, and I knew how to look for a job. So I got a job... it wasn't much... it was McDonalds, (LOL), but it was something to help. I got my own apartment and I was an emancipated minor by the time I was 16.
Now I am in my 40s and I've realized all I know how to be is a mom. It's the longest job I've ever had... with no benefits (LOL)... no wait there are definitely benefits... but no 401k. (LOL) Looking back at it now, because I didn't have much of a childhood, I wasn't very understanding, I was very strict as a mother especially with my daughters. I was super over protective. For example, they couldn't spend a night at anyone's house because I knew what goes on a slumber parties . (LOL) I also had very little patience, looking back at it... it wasn't fair to them. They couldn't really talk to me, per se about too much. I was doing everything all by myself and I just wasn't very understanding. I remember one day when my oldest daughter was very little, she was upset with me and yelled "I want my daddy". I said "ok... go in your room and find one thing your daddy bought you so you can take it with you." She was in her room for hours searching, she finally came out crying her little heart out. I asked her what's the matter and she said sobbing " I cant find anything mommy." I looked her right in the eyes and said "Thats right because he has never done anything for you, but I am here, I will always be here, you are my responsibility and I am the only one taking care of you."
Now I am much more understanding. It took a very humbling situation for me to get here. Before I would have described myself as knowing exactly who I am I've been grown for a long time and stuck in my ways. But now I describe myself as still evolving, still growing, losing a child will do that to you. When my son Messiah was murdered it changed me. Going through so many experiences in life made me a certain way, a survivor, angry, judgmental, quick to strike before you strike me. Losing my son was an experience that completely changed me it humbled me. Now I can say I am more of an understanding person. I am not as judgmental, I don't let the small things get me to a point of losing myself. I wish I can say I am less angry because I am still angry especially after burying my son, but I no longer let the anger consume me. I am much more humble and I now have the responsibility of being a wonderful grandmother. That's the greatest benefit to this lifelong job.
Share a challenging issue you've had to deal with raising your daughters. Please share how you overcame it or how you're still working on it.
The greatest challenge was with my younger daughter. She had a misdiagnosis with her ADHD and the prescription she was on had very harmful side effects. Navigating those years was brutal. Patience and Therapy really helped.
Life often throws us lemons. If you can teach your daughter one life lesson what would it be?
Just keep pushing through. Things may seem like they are not working out but if you keep pushing through it will all work out in the end. I've had many experiences that could have broken me but I believe Allah has a purpose for everyone. If I can push through anyone can push through so just keep pushing.
Love is an action word. In what ways have you shown your daughter/s she is loved and how she should be loved?
My girls know I am always there for them no matter what. They know mommy loves them and will always love them.
Kbeau2ful's Final Thoughts:
Shameeka's story is one of true perseverance. She never truly got to enjoy being a child. Her story teaches us to pause and truly reflect on how we often parentify our children. We often want to prepare them for the world without realizing how precious their childhood is to them. Let's groom responsible children by not making them take care of our responsibilities.